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Let me tell you about my wings
by Anonymous
Let me tell you about my wings.
I made them myself.
At first they were flimsy.
They fumbled and flopped.
So I started again and made them right.
Despite their clumsiness,
I eventually took flight.
As I learned to fly,
I began to plummet and twirl,
To surge and rise.
Once I felt comfortable in the most turbulent of winds,
I made my feathers bold, beautiful, and true.
Not for anyone,
And most certainly not for you.
As I soared on a blissful high,
I became blinded to your selfishness.
How was I to know
That you would tear off my wings
And let me fall
– Not gracefully –
And leave me with nothing at all.
Suddenly I lay flat on my back, on the ground,
And with less than before.
You took not only my wings,
But a piece of my soul and so much more.
You’ve stripped me of everything,
But a single shred of strength.
It’s almost nothing,
But from it I’ll build a nest.
I will collect each twig,
And place it with care.
I will stay warm and nestled,
And be sure to leave nothing bare.
When spring finally comes,
I will venture out, no longer hiding within.
I will see colours once more,
Feel the warm sun, the fresh breeze on my skin.
Soon I will make bigger and better wings,
That stretch across the sky.
The winds will embrace me with joy,
And once more I will soar so high.
You will be nothing but a speck of dirt below me,
And I will be far beyond your sight,
Ever closer to the heavens,
And among things more beautiful and right.
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Image: Chinese painting (ca.1800–1899) from the Miriam and Ira D. Wallach Division of Art, Prints and Photographs: Art & Architecture Collection.
The poem, "Let me tell you about my wings" describes my awkward childhood and how I grew to be an independent woman who is comfortable with herself and who thoroughly enjoyed life. That changed when I was traveling alone in a foreign country. I was on the porch of the hotel and a man who worked there saw me enjoying the view. My energy was so high, I felt on top of the world. I could sense he desired me, but didn't think anything of it. But when I ordered food and drink from the hotel, he drugged and raped me. I awoke to a pretty horrific scene, and being alone and not speaking the local language made the whole ordeal a thousand times worse. When I returned home, I fell into a pretty dark state, where I cried almost every day for months and stopped seeing colours properly. It has been three years now, and while it's no longer a daily struggle for me, even now some things can trigger me so hard that feel like I'm in the same state of despair as when I first woke up. This poem is about strength and looking forward. It is written from a point in time when I am still in a defensive mode, and just beginning to set my mind to rebuilding myself - but critically it hasn't happened yet. Sometimes I worry about whether I'll ever be able to achieve the stage described in the final paragraphs of the poem.