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by Tina Babineau

There is a time I thought I needed someone, there was
a time I thought that someone was you. There was a
time I thought you could change, unfortunately those
were all untrue. Now lost in the hate, the distaste,
I'm not sure which way is left and which way is right,
where my tongue is bitter from all of this spite. You
used your desperation as an act of kindness, you made
me feel the unworthiness of what it really means to
be alone because you couldn't handle it by yourself
and had to lean, sometimes scream and now I am still
uncertain if the right way is to look you in the
face or to walk away and get out of this head space
you've created within me. With countless nights of
your own self-hate making things despicable, making
me feel unattractive but also keeping me there keeping
me close as if to lose me would be to lose love for that
is the LIE to have me lie next to you as a barrier from
reality, that was the truth. That you need to confront on
your own demons. And not release them on others.
I've always been that one that seems like the obvious
option, always alone, a perfect tactic to make your
own. With the endless nights of crying well you
try to sleep but your demons take over like a knife
pointed at my face the reality sets in for the both of
us you don't need someone you need control but
you can't control me anymore. You can rub it in, You
can say you're sorry, you can try to make amends
and change your ways but I know the slippery slope
you slide on will end.
Will it end? I can't tell anymore but it's not my ride
anymore. I wish you the best to overcome your own
battles without hurting those that cared. But the end
for me is here. Not there.

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image: Marie Bashkirtseff (1883)

Tina Babineau is a local poet, artist, cosplayer and soon to be published illustrator from Halifax that loves cats, nerdy and dorky things, as well as being passionate about human rights, healthcare and overcoming trauma. Using poetry and the arts to create a safer environment for people of all backgrounds to come together in harmony.

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